Morning. Time for my daily affirmations. I’m so pretty. I’m so pretty. I’m the prettiest girl alive. I’m so pretty. Fluoride toothpaste. SSRI. Birth control. Masturbate with CUMBLASTER9000 vibrator. Jackhammer my bean. No man could ever. Shower. Layers of makeup to cover wrinkles.
Feed cat organic bison meat. I prepare my vegan JUST Egg (Water, Mung bean protein isolate, canola oil, sugar, soy lecithin, tetrasodium pyrophosphate, salt, gellan gum, potassium citrate, carotene, nisin, transglutaminase, natural flavors, dehydrated onion, turmeric). Diet has been going great. Sub 1000 cals. Skinny queen era.
Prop phone against magazines and books I’ll never read. Vlog time. Don’t forget to smile. Pick up bouquet of flowers. Toss them about in my hands. Bury schnoz in petals. Place them back in vase. Twirl my hair. Riveting content. Caption: take time to smell the flowers <3 ❀✿❀✿. “Vlog” over. 366 likes on Instagram. Mother texts me. 1st time she’s reached out since new years eve. Grandma is in critical condition. Fly home? No. I am going to a ZEDD set tomorrow. I’ve waited all month for this.
Targeted ad flashes on phone. Don’t Be a Genetic Dead End—Freeze Your Eggs Today! Ponder. Will there ever be a “right” time? 33 next month. Mentally still 21. Time is ticking, but the idea of being a mother fills me with dread. Idk if it’s because the loss of freedom or extra responsibilities. Maybe a combination of both.
Sorority sister. Jennifier. Got married. Had Kids. Cheated on. Divorced. Works as an elementary school substitute teacher instead of being a stay at home mom like initially planned. Seems like hell. Work. Clean. Pick up kid’s from dance and soccer practice. Prepare dinner. Sleep. One girls wine night a month. I couldn’t do something like that. Plus, every man I meet is a turbo boring dweeb. What could they possibly offer me?
Anyways, having a kid would be selfish. The world is bleak. We are all going to die soon since we are destroying the climate at an alarming rate (at least that’s what the black science podcaster man told me). I’m doing my hypothetical children a favor by not having them. To live is to suffer. I grew up without a father. By some fluke I ended up the beautiful work horse that I am today and I still want to kill myself sometimes. *posts selfie*
